Being an only child I had to find ways to entertain myself. TV didn’t really work for me since whenever I got in trouble my mother would remove the TV from my room. I had to find something that was lasting and fun for me. I always enjoyed music so it was natural for that to become my best friend. I would play the radio anytime I could or a good CD.
When I was heard Michael Jackson my heart would skip a beat. It is like he lived in the same world that I did. He always talked of being alone but hoped for the love of his life to come. I decided I would fill his void. I had posters, the “Barbie” doll, T-Shirts and more of my future husband Michael Jackson. When he did his specials I would record them and watch my favorite parts everyday. I imagined our wedding day, him being happy with me and the life I would have with someone that could make you dream of the greatest love ever.
Through the years my love never changed even though he did. His physical appearance boggled me but I knew it was done out of his pain. It is sad that he didn’t release the pain from childhood or ever know what it was like to be happy with the way he was. Just knowing how down on himself he was makes me want to cry. How can someone with so much magic not recognize the blessings?
With Michael’s death I hope to always embrace the person I am. No matter what happens to me physically or externally I pray to always know love. I think that if Michael would’ve found a way to embrace all he was then he would not be so sad.
I will forever have a special place in my heart for Michael. He was my first love.
